Update: For those of you wondering, I did that swim. 750 yards of open water in a town lake that was murkier than not. My clothes came home so brown I had to soak and wash them. Twice. But I finished. And on the spur of the moment, idiocy overtook common sense and I signed up for a sprint triathlon. I finished that this past Sunday (with no training, so I only have myself to blame for the searing soreness of all my limbs). But I think now, I can start thinking ahead. I may just do Ironman in 2020. I may just finish my WIP in 2020 and publish it. I just may…have a more open mind. How about you?
Well, that’s it. I’ve spent several months in complacency, whining about various body ailments, messing up on my diet (since I said that out loud, I really hope my trainer doesn’t follow my blog!), and generally letting myself go. I haven’t run since April. No open water swims for over a year. My last race was in February…and it kinda killed my spirit.
And I’m kinda done with myself.
It’s time to stop.
I was forcing myself through a few pool laps today, complete with my embarassing little tube of mini M&M’s wrapped in a freezer pack laying on a towel on deck (because it fricken still hit 110 degrees today and I NEED incentive to go back …and forth…and back…and forth in the pool), when my brain kept going down the list of WHY I should give up. EVERY single injury, from my bike accident in late 2017 just months before Ironman, to a few months ago, when I was getting all the nerves in my neck burned out so I could look over my shoulder for cars on bike rides without pain….my little list of boohoos haunted me.
And I finally hit the wall. Thankfully, not the actual pool wall, but ‘THE” wall of tolerance for my whiney, complaining garbage.
To think it all over, of course, I stopped at the end of a lap to munch on some very cold mini M&M’s (and trust me, they DO help). And I realized how powerful the negative thoughts and worries have been. How hard they impact my ability to move forward in life and attain my goals. How quickly they can become a way of life. An excuse to relax and just not…
I realized I could swim my next lap looking for everything that hurt (and it would’t be very hard).
I could swim the next lap saying to myself, “Swim with a bad back disc? Yeah, I can do that. Swim with neck arthritis? Yeah, I can do that. Swim with ….”Fill in the blank”….Yeah…”
Don’t get me wrong. I totally HATE people that have no clue what you’re going through and cheerfully tell you to “tough it out”. This isn’t THAT kind of cheer session.
It IS, though, a choice. We ALL have a choice. You can give into the aches and pains and difficulties of day to day life, and let them run and ruin you.
Or you can decide to go on. To BE. To LIVE.
You can decide what negative speak goes on inside your head and how it impacts you. There ARE times to sit back and be sad or down about something that has happened to you, something that has set your goals in life back. But at some point you have to let that go. Move on. Be YOU.
So in another week, I have an open water swim I’ve signed up for. It’ll be the first time since mid-2018. And it’s going to hurt like a bear. (Let’s not even talk about the little panic thing my lungs do in the open water). I’m not even sure the wetsuit still fits…
But imma grab my towel and some mini M&M’s and go see what happens.
What about you?